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5/12/2007 it's unknown but it feels alright• I probably should be in bed, I have to wake up early in the morning.. and do some certain tasks that aren't nessecarily my favorite early morning routine. But I'm just not happy, today was fantastic.. boring and normal but just another day I feel fantastic about getting through. I have some song lyrics by a band called Metric.. I couldn't say how I feel any better than with a song. This song's title is pretty self-explanitory it's called "Grow up, and blow away". I'm sure I'll feel much better after I post the lyrics..
--------------------------------------- Grow Up and Blow Away Floating the room Two by two From the womb To the holiday There is no holiday First double-cross her heart He wants to start a family Needing something to go on If she weren't writing in blood She'd bring him her jokes A new liver And a shovel for the mud If he were not knee-deep in mud He'd bring her his drugs He'd get her a typewriter If this is the life Why does it feel so good to die today? Blue to gray Grow up and blow away... Nobody knows which street to take He took the easy way What was the easy way? First double-cross her heart He wants to start a family She always thought she would not. If she weren't writing in blood She'd bring him her jokes A new liver And a shovel for the mud If he were not knee-deep in mud He'd bring her his drugs He'd get her a typewriter If this is the life Why does it feel so good to die today? Blue to gray Grow up and blow away... First double-cross her heart He wants to start a family Her body is the baby. If this is the life Why does it feel so good to die today? Blue to gray Grow up and blow away... -----------------------------------------
you have a nasty tone
ciao bella 1/1/2007 say hello to the angels•hmm... it's been.. too long away from writing this is probably the last thing I wrote which was written in July I believe, it's now January 1st of 2007. I guess my feeling don't change too often. But as far as I go.. I've changed a lot since july, probably the most I've ever changed in my entire life. I'll probably never be the same person I use to be, but that's okay.. I really didn't like her anyway.
Putting a name on nonsense. I've never seen something so shredded like this.
The dripping of blood from your pupils, this blind bliss
Those empty thoughts of yours make you long to sleep
Enternally deaf, dead, and deep.
These desires make me want to live, believe in these dreams.
You forced me to die, decay. haven't you a meer clue what love means.
I wish my lips were virgins again.
I miss her, the soul, my favorite friend.
I insist you quit asking me if I'd take that gun-shot for you.
I'm already dead so stop the nonsense, you fool.
I loved you. I hated you. I wanted you. I made you.
this monster of mine.
4/4/2006 Pretzel time.woop de woop.•Sometimes I feel like people never listen or understand. Let-alone, even take the time to do either, but I guess I have to realize feeling like that is only human. So yes, I haven't been creative lately and it finally came so I wrote this. Lots of meanings, nothing to be taken personal, just a lot of exaggeration and such. ejoy
Elegance from a tired fire.
Fight breakers, oh. such a distant move. Never doing it again, baby those are just lies to sooth. Puncture something, maybe just this extravagant queen of hearts card. Or elevate me somewhere where you can snap me into a single shard. Let's use technology and make things better... Talk on our little telephones and pretend you'd never met her. So, say it's true that they are not all faultlessly the same. I guess man-whores are essential in this worlds daft game. But the feminine side is not the amatory thing we were once sought out to be. Quite vicious in the antics, frantic ruckuses that you don't see. I've become so miserable with being pushed aside. Living without breathing. Finding reasons to hate inside, it's abhorrence I'm conceiving. You say the old you is gone, then where did the new one go? Me, myself. the sweet... delectable little sweetie is also somehow gone for the show. I'm neither a chemistry professor nor someone to look for importance. Just a sick, scared little girl with no descriptions or subscriptions.
-I'm never what anyone wanted me to be, just a deceiver.- -- -- -- -- -
:)-izx 2/9/2006 Opinionated lovers. til' dawn breaks• Edited.I've chosen to write. Haven't for awhile, so be soft on me. I've been told it makes people feel uncomfortable.
"Mr. Eric from the Mortuary. "
So please, today. Place me gently in the coffin you've made. I'm only special, only cherished in the most priceless of ways. Maybe I do belong in this area. Seems like hell with a little less hysteria. Quit your childish way, and take the road with me baby. Sick minded machine, I'm just too lazy. I hate the way you're scratching me away. The little broke back un-sincere words you say. Trash is trash love, don't be sexist. Painful lily’s on your super fake creep list. Kissing the strangers hand, now you're sleeping with a sick discovery. Disgusting man, you've killed a quiet one, you've killed me. No basic instincts to help you on your way maniac. Using the helpless ones, bastard necropheliac. Making love with the them isn't what it's called. They're screaming at you to stop, can't you see they're being mauled. Thank god you've let us go, but you're not quite done with dead harassment. Embalming us, filling us up with an under class statement. Sick man, you make me puke. Look at the died innocences', you've took.
Burn us already.
12/29/2005 uh.. happy new•I haven't updated this in awhile. Well today would be awhile! Lol yeahh... I have like three people who actually ever read this, I check the little counter on this all the time. But um yes... well christmas just passed by a few days ago... and uh yeah, well it was christmas. And now saturday is new years eve:). This year has gone by slow yet so fast. It's been the most trama. drama. sadness. happiness. loneliness. back-aches(only few know what this actually means). annoyances. heartache. fighting. joyus moments. writing of poetry. fun parties. boyfriend. best friends. cold weather. walking. musicly involved. cell phone. maturity. water experiences. real back aches. fatigue. energy. losses. gains. artistic skills.... I have ever experienced in my entire life. Quite indifferent I would say. Hm... haha yeah. Just interesting things happen with interesting people. I've learned to step out on my own road, and go off of what I think, and know is best. I know people would hesitate to say that I stand up for myself but the last few months I've had to deal with things that people would never guess I have. And well.. in all. I think I'm a stronger person:). Yayy[[clap for the wonderful speach]]. Haha well... actually I'm just letting words fly all over the place. so, this isn't probably anything serious or anything. Hmm. yeah lalala. I'm definately ready to move on to 2006. 2005 is lame. Lol yeah... welll... uhh I really don't know what else to talk about besides the fact that I'm hungry.:) So yes... happy new year. laterz.
10/27/2005 cape on the cover of your highlights..•I got some things out today that were still on my mind... and well I've decided that I like knowing the whole story of absolutely everything. Keeping the temptations of wondering... are.. not so good. It leads you on ideas, thoughts, mindsets etc. that you should be led unto. If only you felt like crying with me. ... I think I need to write
I told her the expressions were in their eyes
So concentrated and centered on mild sights
Slumber from my hearing... seems much to near
The doubtful words of the song of fear
Many solos that no one ever mention to sing
The sounds of his voice, so unaspiring
Bloodshed your love as if it were hate
It's too long, and too far.. too many days to wait
The trees are now falling, there will be no need for shade
So dark the words, and how my eyes may fade
Each line is filled with what you wouldn't ever tell
Falling so far... but not quite hell
I'm wrong, I'm wrong, Where do I make this right turn
I'm for sale now, so cheap, you make my stomach burn
And why so soft and sweet in your eyes.
10/17/2005 right on target•The useless days never end. Everday falling harder for something that seems so unreal... Times gone to far. again. Inside I'm dead but somehow look so alive in flesh. Remembering things I hate to even dream about. Stuffing my life in a bag. And never returning to feel my hand run across your face. I tie thin, I tie hard. tieing across my body with lace. It scares me how I can hear you breath when you're not supposed to be real. You seem lifely, but unknown with the cold you can't seal. Grab me slowly, sofly, maybe one bit nice. I drag along with you on the road, and get scraped with lies. You're falling into something dark, unbelievably sick. I try to fix our love, but your over powering is too thick. Why can't everything last exactly the same. I'll be it, I'll starve, I'll take the blame. I'm mesmerised by lies.
10/4/2005 Leif Erikson.. • Leif Erikson by Interpol
She says It helps with the lights out Her rabid glow Is like braille to the night She swears I'm a slave to the details But if your life is such a big joke Why should I care? The clock is set for nine But you know you're gonna make it eight So that you two can take some time Teach each other to reciprocate She feels that my sentimental side Should be held with kids gloves But she doesn't know That I left my urge in the icebox She swears I'm just prey to the female Well then hook me up and throw me baby cakes Cause I like to get hooked The clock is set for nine But you know you're gonna make it eight All the people that you've loved They're all bound to leave some keepsakes I've been swinging all the time Think it's time to learn your way I picture you and me together In the jungle it will be ok I'll bring you when my lifeboat Sails through the night That is supposing that You don't sleep tonight It's like learning a new language Helps me catch up on my mind If you don't bring up those lonely parts This could be a good time It's like learning a new language You come here to me We'll collect those lonely parts And set them down You come here to me... She says brief things Her love's a pony My love's subliminal She says brief things Her love's a pony My love's subliminal ?and you say sorry for being so unreal•Hmm today I slept.... and found out something. It's funny how people fall apart. First they try to run away and not see that they're literly, becoming nothing. And then at one certain second, one space in time... they crack. And shatter into millions and millions of peices. Yeah, I am tired of people saying sorry for when they aren't sorry for. I'm tired of hearing their stupid little sorrows for what happens in their oh so "screwed up" life. If a person honestly felt the way I did, and broke how I did. They would be like me. Know how I think. And not be so confused. I don't know... just today. I slept for nothing. I thought for nothing. I found out, I was nothing. Hm.. yeah.. I'm going to write now...
If blood wasn't pulsing through my vains, I would consiter you a murderer.
Too many thoughts of hatred I wish to show, but it's just that I should of heard her.
You're bringing it in,you'll be so sorry you're much to young.
I'm sorry we abandoned you, just like we didn't love you, just like you were shunned.
I'll remember the times we had, and even the often pain we shared.
Just even when everything was blown out of proportion and their tempers' really flared.
One day I wrote a letter, it was only part true.
And only one understood it, and I'm writing this for you too.
I dive a silence into myself.
I takes grasp of my tongue takes it for itself.
So now I'm stuck so speachless with no words to comfort me.
I've lost everything I had then... and you never could see.
I'll say it once... I'll say it again.
You broke everything in half. It will no longer mend.
You say sorry,you don't mean it... I wish you would die.
Atleast say words you mean, and really try.
I agree with myself, it's sometimes the only thing I have.
I wish when you slaughtered me, you would have zipped me up in a bag.
I guess I will smile now, but I'll never look with these at you the same.
You, you my dear...played a lie,a russian roulette kind of game.
You looked at me, the music stopped.
you smiled ...turned and forgot. as I got shot.
You're just everything she wasn't hoping for you to be.
Can't you see, you're unwanted by us, by me.
I tell it once again. I feel so many lies.
I don't want it bothering me, bothering me until the day I die.
<< << OKay well.. I wrote that for.. some people... totally different subjects.. but I just decided to tie it together? So if you see yourself in there.. don't take all of it. I guess it was for bad, well not bad.. sad? ehh close enough, sad feelings I had towards... hmm.. three people. I guess most of us know eachother and the people who are really interested it what I am writing would know.. who I'm writing about.. but it was different this time. I wrote this for.. I guess someone you guys don't know.. well duh. But she doesn't live here... and I know.. I know what she's kind of going through. Except.. yeah... that... I feel A LOT more sympathy for her then I could ever feel .. let's say, for a lot of people, and I just hope she knows I love her and that.. I'll be here for her, even though.. she willnot be reading this... But yeah.... I was writing something else... but I can't find it, well I think I'm done with this. So yeah... r.i.p... haha sorry I like that, well uh.. laterz.>> >> 10/2/2005 the sound of silence•Well okay, get this... one night before I went to bed. I felt hate. It was making me sick to my stomach, and made me feel really.. ill. And then I asked god who, and why I hated it so much... Then I started writing this,
I've written across my soul so many times that I hate you.
Black eye sockets, swollen gums, I am so sick of it too.
You've made me die, and never want to touch the light again.
Your such a horrible person, I hate now, loved then.
Your love is unreal, and undeniably wrong.
You're a lie, and the absolute sickest song.
I hate you, I hate you, you nasty evil soul.
I hope you kill yourself you freakish fool.
You're so screwed up, you've changed, and you think you're so sly.
You brang me to the unreachable points, the place where I can no longer fly...
[Later the next day... I found out.. what exactly I had these remorse feeling towards. I'm keeping this to myself. Don't ask me, I'll get really pissy. But I just wanted to share that with you. enjoy.] tattered.. and ran over. but still okay•Hmm... Last night.. I deleted every single blog I had ever written. I had no good reason to do it, and it wasn't to erase anything, including my past. It was just making me sick, looking at what I wrote. It's all about myself. And how self-centered it seemed. And it looked like.. all I cared about was my feelings. When I know I don't. I have no clue how people view me. I don't know if I even come off as a self-conceited person. But when I know I'm not.. I guess in the end. I could care less. But yeah.. I guess I'll just start being more open with my life... so people get a better view... because obviously... very little people have understood. But okay hmm.. I don't even know what to write about but...... haha uh uh uh... I live in a house. I ... normally don't get along with my parents. I sometimes get along with my older siblings... younger.. blah. Um.. I have like.. 3 cousins that are even close to my age... I get along with the one that happens to be 10. I have so much family.. it's insane. Everytime I feel any deep feelings or confusion... I write. Even if it's midnight and I have school in the morning.. I'll still do it. I have a lot of emotional rollercoasters, which include:: outbursts, breakdowns, and just things along those lines. People sometimes get all freaked out because I act weird. I just do it on a normal basis when I'm alone with myself. Okay anyway I'll continue with my life. Hm, I'm really inlove with Broc. I couldn't live without him. We've been going out for like 5 months now, and we've been through a lot, lol but it's still great. Haha yeah, umm I love my friends. They mean a lot to me, and I care a lot about them too. I love music as well. And writing of course. They are my second love. Haha whatelse... I really love eating too... it's exciting. This weekend. I ate a hamburger... haha amazing huh. But then I felt sick for the rest of day. Which wasn't all that great. Hm yeah... I don't know how much more there is to me... I guess it's just everything I wrote... going into deph... a lot more into deph. But yeah... umm I better get going because I really don't know what else to write, so I guess I'll write later. Much love:)[:!= that is a neutral smiley. I made it myself. And I like it.] Well uhh ha, goodbye now?:) |
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